Next Week: Dealing with Divorce
TEXT: Ephesians 5:21-33... "21 Submitting yourselves one to another in fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto
your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:
and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands
in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might
sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not
having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their
wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth
and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this
cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a
great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his
wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
INTRODUCTION: Most people get married because they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together.
Something attracts their attention and sparks their interest in one another. They eventually marry and promise to love
one another "until death do us part." But nearly 50% of these couples will eventually divorce the partner they claimed they
couldn't live without.
Marriages are failing today faster than at any time in history. We have more money, more conveniences, more time-saving
devices, yet we are spending less time together than ever before. Ours is a generation of highly educated, multi-talented and
over-committed people. We have maximized our activities and minimized our marriages. We are on-line, but not on-target.
We communicate with the world, but not with each other. We go more places, spend more money, and do more things-but we
are not happy.
Something is missing in our lives, our marriages, our homes and our families. It is time to maximize our marriages, instead
of our activities. It is time to invest more in marriage than we do in the stock market. It is time we spend more time with
each other, instead of trying to make ourselves happy by staying busy.
I want to give you several ways to maximize your marriage that come right from the Bible.
Notice verse 21: "submitting yourselves to one another in
the fear of God."
(1) TOTAL COMMITMENT TO GOD
Success in marriage begins with a personal relationship with God. He created us to know Him personally and calls upon us
to commit our lives to Him. God is the center of the universe and the key to human relationships. He wants us to know Him
personally. That is why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins. Jesus paid our sin debt, so that we could be
adopted into the family of God. Romans 8:15-16 says: For we have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but we
have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself beareth witness with our spirit that
we are the children of God.
Knowing God personally through faith in Jesus Christ is the foundation of a Christian marriage. While God can certainly
bless a marriage where only one partner is a believer, His ideal plan is for both partners to be believers.
The Bible warns us: "Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). If you are planning to marry
someone, make sure they really know the Lord, so you can get started right in your marriage.
If you are already married to a non-believer, do everything you can to love them into a love relationship with Jesus Christ.
("And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For
the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your
children unclean; but now are they holy. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14.)
This scriptural passage encourages you to stay committed to your unsaved spouse as a sanctifying influence in their life.
The ideal for Christians is a Christian marriage in which both partners are fully committed to God. Commitment to Him
places us in a position to deepen our commitment to each other. We aren't just trying to make it on our own strength. We
have God on our side to empower us to live for Him and for each other.
(2) TOTAL COMMITMENT TO YOUR SPOUSE.
Notice verse 21 again - submitting yourselves one to another. Before the Bible says anything about one partner submitted to
the other, it tells both partners to submit to each other. Mutual commitment to the success of the marriage is necessary to
make it in today's world of low commitment and selfish choices. We are living in a time when people walk away easily from
their jobs, their careers, their marriages and their children. If your marriage is going to make it, you have to decide right
now that divorce is not an option. Macel and I decided years ago, we are going to do whatever we have to to make this
marriage work. It's been 42 years now... and we are committed to another 42, or whatever God allows.
Don't even think about giving up. Of course, there are differences because you are two different people. But God can use
those differences to balance your marriage, not break it. Don't even think about the "grass being greener" somewhere else.
Everyone has their own set of problems.
Changing partners is just changing problems. If you aren't willing to make this marriage work, you probably won't make the
next one work either.
The degree to which you commit yourself to your spouse will influence the degree to which they commit themselves to you.
If they think everything else is more important, they will start looking elsewhere. Some of you are in love with your job
more than your spouse. And some of you are so in
love with yourself, you don't have anything to give anyone else. Learn to love each other in a way that is meaningful to both
of you.
Christian psychologist, Dr. Gary Chapman, believes there are 5 "love languages" by which we commit to each other that we
really care about each other
1. Words of Affirmatio
2. Physical Touc
3. Deeds of Kindnes
4. Quality Time
5. Gifts of Appreciation
1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. Get to know each other. Learn to "speak" each
other's "love language." You can scrub the kitchen all day long, but if "deeds of kindness" isn't your
husband's love language, he won't even notice. Find out what is meaningful to your mate. Get to "know" them and
"understand" them. Too many married couples live in the same house, but really don't know each other.
3. TOTAL COMMITMENT TO YOUR CHILDREN
Your marriage is the basis of your family. You are not just dealing with each other, but with your children as well. They
need to know that mom and dad are going to make it...that you're in this for the long haul. Years ago, most kids grew up that
way. They just assumed mom and dad would always be there for them. That isn't so anymore. Today's kids are worried about
their parents. They aren't sure about their own future because they aren't sure about their parents' marriage.
The best gift you can give your children is to love one another. Notice Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands love your wives." We are
to love each other "like Christ loved the church." He gave all He had for us and we ought to give all we have for each other.
You can't walk away from your marriage without hurting your children. You need to stay and work it out. Notice I said,
"work it out," not grind it out! Work at your relationship and your children will thank you for it some day.
4. PRAY TOGETHER
As a pastor, I'm always surprised when I find out how little time some couples spend praying together. If you are going to
weather the storms of life, you need to spend time praying together. Husband, your wife needs to hear you pray for her on a
regular basis. Your kids need to hear their dad pray out loud for them.
Prayer is part of our communication with God and with each other. What we say about each other in prayer tells our spouse
what we really think about them. Set aside a specific time to pray together as a couple and as a family. It will make all the
difference in your lives.
5. TALK TOGETHER
Communication is an important key to a successful marriage. Couples who don't talk together, eventually don't live
together. Learn to open up to each other. I never have to guess how Macel feels about something - she tells me! If you have to
bottle up your feelings when you're together,
something is wrong. Talk it out. And, by the way, don't you do all the talking. Let your partner honestly open up to you. If
you don't they may open up to someone else.
Learn to talk without fighting. You can win the argument and lose your marriage! Marriage is a relationship, not a contest.
There are no winners, unless you both win! Talk together, pray together, then play together.
6. PLAY TOGETHER
Chances are you got married so you could be together all the time. But if you are like most couples, you barely have time for
each other. Get a babysitter. Go out to dinner. Take a vacation. Go on a trip. Start romancing each other again. Sure, you're
"together" all the time, but most of that time is taken up by your job, your children, your family responsibilities, etc.
Take time for each other. Have fun in life. That's why you got married in the first place. If you're going to be too busy, be
"too busy" with each other, not from each other. How long has it been since you sent your wife flowers or a note of
appreciation. Don't just do it on her birthday or your
anniversary. Do it all the time. Don't become your husband's biggest critic, become his biggest admirer. Someday, when
you're old, all you will have is each other. Become best friends now. Nourish that friendship. Don't let your romance die.
Keep the fire blazing.
7. STAY TOGETHER
Marriage is not a trial experience or a live-in arrangement. Marriage is a covenant with God-"till death do us part." Make
your marriage work to the glory of God. Don't look for an easy way out. There are no easy ways.
Sometimes marriages fail and it's not your fault. I'll talk about that next week when we talk about "Dealing with Divorce."
God loves people-all people-even those who have made great mistakes in life. But right now, I'm talking to those of you who
are married. Ask God to give you the grace to stay married. If you need help, see a Christian
counselor. Get help. But realize that in most cases the change has to begin in you. You need to stop making excuses. Face up
to your weaknesses. Ask forgiveness. Ask God to change your heart-and you'll be surprised how your
spouse's heart will change.
God created marriage in the first place (Genesis 2:23-25, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my
flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not
ashamed."
He meant for it to last for a lifetime. Put your priorities where they ought to be. Make your husband, your wife your priority.
You loved them enough to want to marry them--now, love them for the rest of your life.
That's how God loved us. He gave everything He had for our salvation. He sent His Son to die for our sins. And He wants to take us to be His Bride.