Marriage today is in trouble.  It’s being attacked in ways that we’ve never seen over the course of human history.  It is being ridiculed in some corners, denigrated in others, and redefined at break neck speed.  Unfortunately, the one place where you would expect marriage to be cherished, protected and heralded (i.e. The Church), is seeing the same type of difficulties.  So how do we manage that?

Just like Adam & Eve, when they disobeyed God, their intimate relationship with God was tarnished because sin shielded them from experiencing the love & peace of God in their lives.

And Just like Adam & Eve, when they disobeyed God, their intimate relationship with each other was fractured, lack-luster, and fell short of God’s ideal they quickly experienced distance between them.

And the Point today is the same for whether you talk about intimacy in marriage and/or intimacy with God – that is, the very same things that cause distance in your relationship with God are the same things that cause distance in your relationship with your spouse!

Mark 4:3-8 “Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. ⁴ And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. ⁵ Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. ⁶ But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it withered away. ⁷ And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. ⁸ But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.”

God seeks to have an intimate relationship with you!  

Mark 4:3“Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow.

A lack of Intimacy is NOT a lack of effort or interest in the Sower.  God longs to have intimacy with you.  Notice in this passage that the Sower cast His seed EVERYWHERE!  He didn’t just selectively toss the seed – He cast it upon every soil out there.  Why?

Because the invitation for intimacy is open & available to anyone!  Likewise, intimacy is possible for every couple in this church and around the world as well!  Intimacy that can grow your marriage, strengthen your marriage and defend your marriage.

But you will quickly notice from this passage that a lack of intimacy occurs when WE put something in the way that keeps intimacy from occurring with God.   Likewise, it is what we put in the way of intimacy with our spouse that causes the problem, not the spouse!  We should never begin the blame game.  We should always look at what we are doing in our own hearts in order to remedy the problem of a lack of intimacy in our marriage, and if BOTH spouses looked at their OWN hearts and worried about their own areas to improve, then intimacy would be cultivated!!

And that is what this sermon is about today – defining what we allow to come into our OWN hearts that produces distance & ultimately causes destruction in marriages.

Hindrances To A Strong Marriage

1. A Selfish Heart!

Self-Centeredness is the ground on which intimacy is trampled upon in a marriage.  It’ll keep you from knowing God & it’ll keep you from developing an intimate relationship with your spouse.

Mark 4:4  And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it.

“the wayside” (H-AW-doss) - “a road well-traveled; a designated path for travelers” & used here to reference a hard surface (e.g. a road, stone slate, marble surface, etc) that was never intended to nurture plants and/or crops.)

And that hard surface that was never intended to nurture intimacy nor ever gave the promise that intimacy could even remotely occur – self-centeredness.  When you interact in a marriage totally and completely focused on yourself & focusing on how life and your relationship will benefit you, it will always destroy intimacy!

Your love was never grounded solidly in commitment & love – just infatuation, affection and selfishness. You felt “feelings” of love when the person satisfied what pleased you (e.g. looked good in front of your friends, made you money, made you laugh, catered to your “needs” etc); but then you said you “fell out of [these feelings of] love” when they stopped performing these self-centered things for you.

It is a heart that responds: “You should please me & cater to my needs” - I deserve that!

But real love is more than a feeling.  True love is when you think about the other person’s needs all of the time.  What they need; when they need it – with no thought of yourself.  It is devotion “till death do us part” and a decision to never cast aside what God has joined together!

If you are committed to your own interests, your marriage will not grow intimately because you are attempting to plant on a foundation that was never made to nurture & cultivate intimacy - SELFISHNESS!

Self-centeredness will never create intimacy with God – And it will never cultivate intimacy with your spouse.  With God, you have to admit that sin is your fault and you can’t say that God is wrong in any way – you have to come to Him on His terms.  That is the only way to begin a personal, intimate relationship with God.

Likewise, with your spouse, you have to look at your own heart to see if your desires are the only thing you are focused on.  If so, change or it will destroy your marriage.

Philippians 2:4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

“Look” (skope-PEH-oh) is where we get “telescope” from.  It is a concerted, intentionally-focused, narrowly-focusing look on the things of others.

2. A Disenchanted Heart

A heart that becomes Disenchanted was based initially on ‘infatuation’ and not true love & will try to make you “give up” on your commitment to your spouse.

Mark 4:5-6  Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. ⁶ But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it withered away.

“stony ground” (pet-TROAD-dace) = “a rock-like foundation; full of rocks” which allows only very shallow roots to develop.  Because this rough terrain allowed for such a shallow root system, that upon the first sight of serious challenges (ie. the “sun”), the ability (ie. the initial commitment) to endure is not there. 

Deep roots had not been developed.   You see, this hindrance tries to persuade the spouse to feel that “everything has changed” or “my spouse has changed” when actually, the problem is with you & that you have not cultivated a deep & abiding love for your spouse.  You are trying to build intimacy on mere infatuation & emotional enthusiasm.

Just as people get “disenchanted” with God when tough times come because they claimed that they would be disciples of Jesus Christ if God would take away all their problems.  They only stay “followers of Jesus Christ” if God meets their false expectation.  And when they (inevitably) experienced challenges in life, they checked out proving their love for God was never genuine. 

This very attitude of discouragement is evidenced in John 6:66 (ironically 666 – a very sad verse) when Jesus perceived that the mass amount of people were following Jesus because of Jesus had just fed their bellies full of fish & bread (ie. Feeding of the 5000).  So, Jesus said that their commitment to Him needed to be in the good AND bad times.  And when He said that, they responded in discouragement:

John 6:66  From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.

Likewise, when you as a husband or wife allow disappointment to take over and you stop “trying to make it work,” it is the beginning of the end …UNLESS, you break the pattern of disenchantment in YOUR OWN heart.  You have to commit that you will love for the long haul!  That divorce is never an option.  Quitting is never an option.

Never give in to this lie of the Evil One who attempts to make you believe that “I just don’t’ love my spouse anymore!” or “We fell out of love!”  When the REAL PROBLEM is that YOU set incorrect, unfair, unbiblical expectations on your relationship!  And YOU had tried to cultivate intimacy on mere infatuation and haven’t commitment to your spouse for “better and for worse!”  You need to check your own heart & confess to God for your error & confess to your spouse that you were wrong.

When you stop “trying to make it work” with your spouse and let disappointment take over, it will start small and quickly grow to a dangerous hindrance if left unchecked!  Disenchantment will always hinder intimacy with God – And it must be removed in order to be able to cultivate intimacy with your spouse.

3. A Distracted Heart

Mark 4:7  And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop.

“thorns” (ah-KAHN-TH-ah) = “barren thorns “or a “brush-brier type thorn bush” NOTE:  This is the same word that was used to refer to his Crown of Thorns in John 19:2.  The sin that Jesus died for & to relieve us of to become a member of the family of God – is the same sin that attempts to creep in and distract our hearts and make us a person that is too busy to love.

Mark 4:18-19 Now these are the ones sown among thorns; they are the ones who hear the word, ¹⁹ and the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.

Just like Peter who started sinking as he got his eyes off of the Lord and he began focusing on the storm waves crashing all around him, people who say they are followers of Christ evidence that they are not true followers because they do not exhibit an ounce of trust in their “savior.”  Likewise, the same things can “choke out” the life & vitality of your marriage – a preoccupation over material things, a desire to maintain a certain reputation, your career, your hobbies, your own desires.  A preoccupation with someone else, real or imagined.

So, what is needed to take your spousal relationship to go from a Hindrance-filled relationship to an Intimate relationship?

Ingredients of Intimacy

Mark 4:8 But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.”

What is interesting is that the word for “good” in “good ground” is (KAH-loss) and is not only used for something that is “excellent, adaptable, & suitable” in an agricultural sense; but is also the word that is translated “beautiful” or “shapely” or “magnificent” in the 1^st Century Greek language.   And THAT is our goal! – To have beautiful marriage to display for our children! For our spouses to be proud of!  For God’s Glory to a world dying to know how to have a beautiful marriage!  So, what constitutes “good ground?”

A heart that understands that…

1.     Personal intimacy with God is paramount to having intimacy with my Spouse!  He/She leans on their relationship with God to for the power, grace, & mercy to love their spouse for the long haul!

A heart that…

2.     Never allows Self-centeredness, Disenchantment, or Distractions to ever gain ground in his/her marriage!

A heart that…

3.     Makes the goal of their marriage to grow closer together to the Lord Jesus Christ!  …because only He can teach you how to really love!  Only He can change your heart towards your spouse!

Matthew 6:32-33

³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

In other words, if you BOTH seek after intimacy with God, then intimacy between each other will be produced between you both!

The Results

1.     “sprang up”  (ahn-ah-BINE-oh) = Your relationship will “begin to sprout growth”

2.     “increased”  (ow-x-AHN-no) = Your relationship will “develop, grow, flourish, become greater”

3.     “produced” (FAIR-oh)  = Your relationship will “be productive”

4.     “some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred” = (i.e. “at your own pace”)